Tag Archives: heartbreak

New Year, new me?

As per usual I rung in the New Year sad and alone… but its my own fault.

I always tend to fall into a deep depression at this time of year and of course I keep it to myself.
I don’t open up anymore because I’m afraid people are so sick of hearing about it.
So because I do not talk about it,
I tend to end up pushing people away,
even tho that is clearly the opposite of what I want to do.
I don’t know how to tell people I need them.
Instead I push the people I need away,
because I figure as soon as they see my darkness,
they are going to run for the fucking hills anyway.

So here it is, I’ve pushed someone else away.
I know I am not worth fighting for (well that’s what my demons tell me)
Who would want to put up with someone who has so much darkness inside.

I’m sorry to all the people I’ve pushed away over the years.
I push you away because I care about you
and I think you deserve better then what I am.
Because I think you’re going to leave me anyway.
I know I am wrong. I know I need to change and be better.

 

I need to change.
I need to see my self worth.
I need to know I am worth fighting for.
I need to know I am worth loving.
I need to know I am so much more then my broken pieces.
I need to communicate better.
I need to let my walls down.
I need to ask for help.
I need to stop pushing people away.
I need to stop overthinking.

Here is to 2018, may I find the strength to fight these demons and be a stronger, better person!
Happy New Year Everyone!

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Another broken heart

You went from missing me to showing very little interest.
It’s fine. It’s how it goes.

I work differently then other people.

I try to be selective on who I invest my time in. when I click with someone, I stop talking to anyone else.

But that isn’t how dating works these days, everyone’s gotta keep all there options open.

This is why I have no self confidence.

Because I am never enough, or perhaps I’m to much.
But it’s my own fault. I fall to hard.

And I’m positive I’m cursed.

So that’s it.

I’ve literally given every ounce of energy I had left, and now everyone has used me all up.
I can’t handle the anxiety I get when I really like someone. Im naively over here thinking, omg a person I actually enjoy and click with, this is so rare… and to that person I’m just another notch on the bed post. I always feel more… and I always get hurt.

I know my own mind makes these things harder, but I need to learn to trust it more, because it’s overthinking and paranoia usually proves to be right.

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