My mental illness has ruined a lot of things for me.
In situations with extreme emotions, it comes out,
and I lose control.
I don’t think before I speak,
I lash out.
It convinces me that everyone is against me and wants to hurt me.
I say things I don’t mean.
I try to hurt others
because I’m hurting.
I realize right away what I’ve done.
Sometimes people understand and my constant apologies are enough.
But in a battle of two ill minds, it can become quite a mess.
When dealing with someone who’s depression has made them shut down,
and have no caring or emotions other then rage.
My overly emotional mind doesn’t mesh well with that, sadly.
Now I am stuck replaying everything that took place, thinking if I wasn’t so emotional, or if I had more control, could I have saved us?
Because I know I can push to hard, and I take everything personally.
I’m not ideal.
But my love is strong and passionate.
I’m fiercely loyal,
and I never give up.
This has happened for a reason.
I can learn from this.
It can’t be the end,
this was to rare and special to end.
Now it’s time to work on myself,
to learn and understand more.
I’m no where near perfect,
no one really is.
I know I can many improvements and be better.
This is not The End,
it’s still the beginning.
This story is still unraveling,
we just need to take separate paths sometimes from the ones we love.
We just need to hope they will cross again.
I love you, always and forever.