Self-sabotage

I feed off of people.
The way the look at me,
speak to me,
treat me.
Its the only escape I have from my own head.
I feel to much.
Good and bad.
What I would give to not feeling anything.
Is it sad,
that I dream of feeling nothing?
To not care with every fiber of my soul,
for just one day.

I’ve always been told, that I fall to fast.
It doesn’t happen often, but when it does.
BAM
I wish it didn’t happen like that.
Its always so one sided.
No one will ever feel for me, the same way I feel for them.
That is a fact.
I’ve been viewed as an object for so long, that isn’t going to magically change.

I’m my own worst enemy.
Self-sabotage is my skill set.
I hurt myself before anyone else can get the chance.
Its hard to live in a world, where you don’t trust anyone,
least of all yourself.

Can I please be normal.
Can’t these demons let me go?
Please make them stop.

 

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