I pace around my apartment
Counting all the ways
I could hurt myself
Smashing, hitting, clawing, screaming.
It’s more then the cuts tho,
It’s all my pieces.
Broken and thrown in every direction.
I lose myself,
I forget everything about who I am,
Other then the darkness.
That is all I can see,
Every flaw and imperfection.
You could point out the light in my dark,
but I just can’t find it.
I want so badly for you to see the light in me,
So maybe just maybe I can see it in your eyes.
But it’s hard for you to find it.
The demons keep it hidden,
Even from you.
| do have good days.
But they never seem to out weigh the bad.
I can smile until my face hurts,
but I am always on edge.
I know the darkness will come back with a vengeance.
It always knows when to come back.
Its hard to fight this,
especially when it comes at night when I’m alone.
My heart can burst with love,
For someone I don’t even know.
Truth be told I hate it,
It doesn’t happen often,
But when it happens it’s so strong.
It scares people off,
No one wants love anymore.
I wish I could be like everyone else
I wish I felt less.
I wish I could.
But wishes don’t come true.
I want someone to feel as much as I do.
Feel every smile, frown, silence, ache, song, emotion.
Someone to know me,
To know my darkness,
And love me, just as much as I love them.
But I know, no one sees me.
I accept the fact that I’m destined to be alone,
The last person who feels everything,
In a world where everyone rejoices over feeling nothing.